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ACKROYD, ALEXANDER (1930 - 2002) Public Benefactor, Toilet Attendant. See ROTARY CLUB and VANDALISM.
Alex Ackroyd
ADAMSON, PETER (1953 - ), Philanderer, Sexual obsessive, Rotarian. While his actions caused great unhappiness to those closest to him, it would be fatuous to describe Adamson as ‘evil'. Who can reflect on his life and deny ever acting on a base instinct? We should be wary of stigmatising someone so categorically without sufficient evidence. By my own definition, based on years of peering into the abyss, an evil mind is one that takes pleasure in the creation of mischief. Otherwise benign individuals can be destroyed a personality flaws which, in other circumstances, might seem insignificant or even comical. Many people lose their way, some blunder onto the wrong track, others wilfully take to the wilderness and encourage others to follow. The successful investigator doesn't judge, he merely observes and makes his assessment accordingly, without prejudice.
Essentially a shallow individual, Adamson was afflicted by the yearning common to many middle-aged men whose aspirations have been limited to the physical realm. His life started to unravel when 20 year old trainee Janet Kelly joined his department at Stirling council. Within a week, Adamson and three of his colleagues had declared themselves ‘father figures' to Ms Kelly. While his colleagues, cowed by self-knowledge, limited themselves to overly solicitous behaviour, Adamson, openly proclaiming the onset of MID LIFE CRISIS to anyone who'd listen, left no-one in any doubt that any fatherly instincts he possessed were incestuous. Spontaneously adopting a new wardrobe more appropriate to a ‘younger brother figure', he started turning up at bars frequented by Ms Kelly and lurking outside her flat for hours in the hope of manoeuvring a ‘chance' meeting. When this tactic failed, he declared a previously unsuspected enthusiasm for amateur theatricals. Joining the Aberfoyle Players, he successfully auditioned for the role of Fagin in a production of the musical ‘Oliver'. Ms Kelly, co-incidentally, was cast as Nancy. After a promising start, in which Adamson exhibited genuine theatrical flair, his crisis was exacerbated by Ms Kelly's obvious attraction to Bruce Struthers, the actor playing Bill Sikes. Stricken by JEALOUSY, Adamson's performance became stilted. Pre-occupied by the chemistry between Adams and Struthers, he missed cues and stammered over his lines. The poverty of his performance was touched upon by one of HUGH WALKER's withering reviews, though, in fairness, the Examiner critic was equally unimpressed by both Kelly and Struthers.
Adamson was eventually forced to accept a redundancy package after Ms Kelly's actual father, a notorious individual with connections to various criminal elements, turned up at the office demanding an explanation as to the ‘fan-site' that had appeared on the internet devoted to his daughter. After a brief investigation, Adamson acknowledged responsibility. Disowned by his family, he suffered a breakdown and spent three months learning rudimentary pottery in private residential facility. Returning to Aberfoyle in 2003, he created a niche for himself with the Natural Heritage Society, leaping from undergrowth and startling school parties with the exclamation, “Hello, children! My name is the ghost of John Muir!” He was removed from this position after forming an inappropriate fixation on 23 year old horticulturalist Sally Reynolds. Three of Adamson's letters to Ms Reynolds are included in the Hamilton Coe archive.
ADOPTION, CHILDREN OF - For some reason, even as a child, my brother, Spencer, had a fractious relationship with our mother's side of the family. The notion that, as a Child of Adoption, he has somehow been a less valued member of the family has been a recurring complaint since an early investigation revealed the truth of his origins. As our parents reminded him at the time, he was, in fact, all the more special for being chosen. Spencer's inclination, however, has always been to create a problem where none previously existed. Rather than revel in being slightly different, a non-pedigree Coe, he chose to stand apart. He often recalls the occasion when he was forced to eat his Christmas dinner at a separate table, omitting to add that he was banished from the main table for biting me and, frankly, fortunate to be allowed to even enjoy the occasion from a distance. Thirty years on, he still enjoys propagating the myth that he was rejected on account of not being a thoroughbred Coe. This is a ridiculous argument. If he was rejected, it was because he was a particularly nasty child, full of sly tricks. The one thing I've learned from my investigations is that bad character is insurmountable. This position might be controversial, but only to those without experience of criminal behaviour. The term ‘bad seed' is old fashioned but apt. Some people have no redemptive qualities. They're incorrigible. I'm not presenting a judgement, merely a fact. Nobody's to blame for this. An individual is as responsible for his nature as a snake for the fact that he's compelled to slither along on his stomach. What option does he have? A great deal is now made of analysis: why is a man thus? What led him here? This sort of thinking, in my experience, leads to the logic of the scoundrel. Any offence can be exculpated by referring to some damage inflicted in childhood or adolescence. The effective investigator shuns analysis. He merely observes. His interest lies entirely in what a man is. Any fool can conjecture why .
ALCOHOLISM – Many potentially gifted clairvoyants have succumbed to madness and liver disease, a direct consequence of the instinct for self destruction that so often accompanies second sight. I've never touched alcohol, save for the occasion of Spencer's 21 st birthday when I was tricked into drinking a large quantity of coca-cola laced with vodka: a dangerous prank that resulted in the necessity of having my stomach pumped. A letter of apology from one of the perpetrators, incidentally, is included in the Hamilton Coe archive. Spencer, the stunt's instigator, however, only expressed regret that the party (to which he resentfully insisted I gained entry by the subterfuge of adopting the identity of ‘Heavy Metal Harry') was fatally disrupted.
While I'm resolutely abstemious, I refuse to stand in judgement of my peers. As I often remind people, the ability to peer into men's souls carries a terrible price. What child can bear to sense his father's boredom or his mother's yearning? Who can withstand the passing images of lust and brutality that might float into his consciousness over the course of any given day? Who can tolerate the company of friends and colleagues when their lies and hidden thoughts appear as clearly as graffiti? “But nobody wants you peering into their soul,” Spencer ripostes, unwittingly drawing attention to the clairvoyant's true tragedy: he is the man who sees what ought not be seen and, on that account, he's grouped with peeping toms and sneaks and despised accordingly.
ANGER – The most disfiguring emotion. If it were only possible to step aside from our rage and see how hateful it makes us! An angry or judgemental investigator, it should be noted, is completely ineffectual. His resolution is inevitably tainted by personal prejudice. While in other respects I'm only too human, a man who tries to goad me into losing my temper will be frustrated.
ANONYMITY - The cloak of cowardice. See also COULL, ALEXANDER
APPRECIATION - An investigator expecting his endeavours to be gratefully acknowledged is invariably disappointed. Those who covet pats on the back should eschew truth seeking for a career in voluntary work or light entertainment.
ART – Until LIZ BISHOP'S arrival heralded an age of so-called relevance ‘relevance' an exhibition of my art work, on loan from my archive, was on display in the Scott Room at the Drumfeld Museum. The items have been returned to the archive, though some are crumpled and soiled having been despatched to rubbish bins my Ms Bishop's minions. Copies, however, are available to police departments and other authorised persons on request.
On receiving a psychic impression, whether from an unprompted vision or item of evidence, I made a habit of sketching the principal participants. While I claim no great artistic talent, I believe the quality of some of my better sketches comparable, if not superior, to many of the pieces with which Ms Bishop has filled the museum. As a rule, psychics express themselves well through visual media far better than they do verbally. The very word ‘visionary' infers as much. Artistic merit aside, my artwork provided an invaluable insight into the psychic mind and a ‘rogues' gallery' worth the attention of any investigator: I was recently contacted by a Danish detective, astonished by similarities between the characters and setting of my sketch ‘unpleasant incident in a woodland setting' and a recently resolved case in the Jutland area.
Some impressions of suspects from the Hamilton Coe Archive.
ASPERGER'S SYNDROME – Neurological condition, commonly suffered by celebrities and badly behaved children. The recent ‘Asperger's Olympics' held at Crieff Sports Complex represented fat-headedness unrivalled since the same facility's World Cup for Clinically Obese Children, or, in the terminology of the event's organisers, ‘Chubbies'. While the latter event was a freak show in which participants wandered off the field of play, or simply stopped and sat down on the pitch, mid-game to munch on a bun, the ‘Asperger's Olympics' were marred by scenes of near anarchy. Visitors were confronted by wild eyed children brandishing or wearing as hats traffic cones around which they were meant to dribble footballs, compulsively lashing out at passers-by and scrawling their names over every available surface. Elderly members of the centre's aerobics class were set upon and, had it not been for the bravery of attendants, one would have been forced into the basement incinerator.
ASQUITH, COLETTE (1973- ) Rogue Juror, Chowderhead. Despite the presence of at least three more suitable candidates, the most obvious being myself, Ms Asquith managed to insinuate herself as foreperson of the jury on the case against ROBERT MUNN. It gives me no pleasure to record that my reservations, reported to apparently indifferent court officials at the time, were fully vindicated. Flippant and facetious, Asquith failed to grasp the complexities of the case, disrupting jury deliberations by ostentatiously yawning and making inappropriate jokes about Munn's lawyer's facial tic. her conduct eventually caused a mistrial when a surveillance operation proved that she was openly discussing the case with friends and family members.
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