DOGS - Occasionally useful in a working capacity, otherwise charmless compounds of colon and bowel whose contribution amounts to soiling streets and savaging children. Throughout the twentieth century, dog breeders have competed to produce mutations whose physical limitations and brainlessness render them vulnerable to loathing and pity. Many of the so-called Toy Dogs currently popular are, in fact, anathema to nature. Laboratory tests have established identical empathy levels in certain modern breeds to those elicited from courgettes. Generally owned by shallow or sentimental individuals desperate for affection whatever the source. See CORKY; WILSON

An offence against reason and nature

 

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