LIVINGSTONE, CALUM (1968 - ) Secretary of Callander and West Perthshire Rotary Club. The charitable purposes of many organisations are, unfortunately, negated by the presence of scoundrels in their midst. Even well-intentioned groups are frequently undermined by strong-willed individuals who exert a malign influence on their less worldly fellows. Billy Ure, encouraged to join the Rotary Club by his then fiancée, now wife, Karen Balsillie, subsequently fell under the spell of her cousin to the extent of inviting him to be his best man. How an associate of less than two years standing could be expected to fulfil this solemn obligation is, frankly, beyond my comprehension. Billy sheepishly attempted to justify ‘his' choice by citing Livingstone's talent as a raconteur and after dinner speaker, a meaningless argument when my own experience of delivering lectures and encyclopaedic knowledge of jokes is taken into account. My invitation having been withdrawn through Ms Balsillie's machinations, I eventually attended the reception in the guise of ‘Federico the sommelier'. Livingstone's unsuitability for the role of best man was confirmed by his speech: a succession of smutty one-liners culled from the internet.

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