MAIR, DUNCAN (1952 - ) Founder of the Scottish Mystical Alliance, an organisation with more interest in its members' commercial opportunities than psychical research. Their monthly meetings are attended by a collection of dubious, kilted characters, many with a broad range of criminal convictions. Out of curiosity, I applied for membership but was rejected on the grounds that, by Mr Mair's definition, I am not a mystic. By this, I assume he means that I can a) recognise skulduggery when I see it and b) go to the toilet unattended.

While S.M.A. members are mainly engaged in prophecy and communicating with spirits, several, encouraged by television, have expressed an interest in ‘moving into' criminal investigations, a field they cynically regard as a potential goldmine. Unfortunately, they're completely unsuited to the purpose: at least fifty percent of the Alliance's members are alcoholics and nearly all possess religious fixations indicative of profound mental health problems.

Mair's ‘Book of Prophecies', a compendium of his members' visions, paints a dark picture of Scotland's future in which monsters emerge from lochs and forests while fire rains on the cities. Hedging his bets as always, Mair refuses to clarify whether these ‘visions' are metaphorical or literal. See also KEVIN OF SUMMERSTON

 

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