PATERSON, DOUGLAS (1970 - ) Comedian. When Spencer located his so-called birth family, the Patersons, he formed a particular bond with Douglas or ‘Doug'. Doug had a comedy act that he performed in local night-clubs. This comprised of a litany of tedious observations about day to day life: toilet paper running out, dates taking a long time to get ready. Although I don't watch television, I could tell from audience anticipation of his punch-lines that most of his material was second hand. My brother's appearance obviously offered him a fresh, original approach and he started incorporating Spencer into his act. I'm ashamed to say that I felt the thrill of vindication watching Spencer watch Doug recount the various complications entailed by the appearance of a thirty-two year old baby brother. From the rear of the hall I could see his neck redden and foot tap the parquet floor in a semaphore of agitation. Part of the new routine involved his difficulty in dealing with an attractive new half-sister. Watching Spencer writhing in his seat, I could tell that Doug, whether by accident or design, had struck a nerve. Like a dog that habitually attaches itself to its owner's leg, Spencer has always been incapable of separating affection of the heart from that of the groin, an affliction that has clouded his judgement since puberty and blighted nearly all of his male/female relationships. I'm occasionally thankful that Patsy's transformation into womanhood has been blighted by acne lest she become subjected to her uncle's unwholesome fixation. His newly discovered half-sister, Lisa, certainly possessed the sort of charms to which someone like Spencer might be susceptible and, having observed his body language around her, I suspect that it was some compulsive indiscretion that led to his their final rift.

Apart from confirming Spencer's tendency to grossly inappropriate behaviour, my investigation into the Patersons established that at least four members of the extended family suffered from depressive related illness while three others were alcoholics. Spencer (and Doug's) mother was hospitalised on at least three occasions and died of drink related causes. His father was married four times and twice charged with spousal abuse. According to Doug's Uncle Charlie, the more pronounced of the alcoholics, who I approached in the guise of 'Sandy the sea-dog' and plied with whiskies in exchange for gossip, at the time of Spencer's father's death he was in a 'partnership' with his dog. I suspect that this last piece of information was an invention but the rest of my Paterson dossier was testament to a collection inherited traits replicated in Spencer and imported into the house of Coe. See also, ADOPTION, CHILDREN OF

Douglas Paterson

 

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