COE, MURIEL (1992 - ) Few would dispute the unsuitability of the modern school environment to the development of sensitive children. While Muriel might not be especially 'gifted' in any respect, her curiousity is indicative of an enhanced sensibility which might, at some stage, result in a career in one of the forensic sciences. For years, in fact, members of the family referred to her as 'Hamilton's assistant', a joke that, admittedly, became wearing (Muriel wasn't qualified to be my assistant). She displayed, however, a serious interest in my work which, allowed to evolve, could have resulted in some kind of apprenticeship. After two years in secondary school, unfortunately, Muriel has become less interested in investigative technique than hanging round Drumfeld Churchyard, smoking cigarettes and presenting vicious lampoons of her former mentor for the amusement of her idiotic new cronies.

My disappointment in Muriel's behaviour is tempered by a compassion borne of experience. Her mother went through a similar phase, as did her Aunt Pamela. Had Christine removed her from secondary school, as, indeed, I urged after a visit in the guise of 'Jimmy the Janitor' first exposed Muriel's involvement with a cigarette smoking vampire sect, a solution might have been effected. As I reminded Christine at the time, however intelligent or sensible a person might seem, the incessant influence of a cretinous peer group can have a disastrous effect. Unfortunately, she ignored me. Muriel is now so enamoured of her new friends that any criticism of them, however constructive, provokes a temper tantrum and a barrage of unkind and inappropriate personal observations.

 

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